My mental health is deteriorating and I've tried everything. I don't see my light at the end of this tunnel. I don't see an ending where I come out of this victorious. I tried. I don't even have the energy to do something as simple as pick up phone calls from friends because I've already ran out of reasons to make up to avoid going out late at night. I'm too tired to go out after my working hours and I'm too awake to even stay put in bed. I don't have the mental capacity to even game properly. Nothing makes me happy or even make me go "wow". I wanna vibe, I wanna chill, I wanna progress, I wanna be efficient. I wanna be happy. Being content is the max I'm allowing myself to be and I hate myself for it. I don't want to wait til the new year comes around to have a new mentality. I want it now. I don't want to procrastinate anymore. I want to be better. I know I can be better. I'm still waiting to wake up smiling for no damn reason. Today's meet and greet has depleted every ounce of social juice I have in me. I never even knew that "social juices" existed until today. I'm still grateful for everything that I have in my life right now. I don't ask for much. I just want to be happy. That's all. Yes, I'm taking every little victory bit by bit. It's still not enough.

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