Old habits die hard
Posted on Friday, November 11, 2016
I thought I was over my inevitable breakdown. I thought I was well over you. I thought I could bring up your name from my tongue without having second thoughts. I thought I could carry on living as though my nightmare was over and I'm finally awake.
All these were going great for me until I stumbled upon the first song I listened to on that fateful day. I've been avoiding Crown The Empire's song "Millenia" on my Spotify for months now (I know I should delete the song off my playlist but I never found the time to eventhough all it takes is just a few seconds) and for the first time in 3 months, I listened to it. Then it hit me why I was so affected by the song.
The very first line in the very first verse is enough is send me drenching my pillow with my tears -
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All these were going great for me until I stumbled upon the first song I listened to on that fateful day. I've been avoiding Crown The Empire's song "Millenia" on my Spotify for months now (I know I should delete the song off my playlist but I never found the time to eventhough all it takes is just a few seconds) and for the first time in 3 months, I listened to it. Then it hit me why I was so affected by the song.
The very first line in the very first verse is enough is send me drenching my pillow with my tears -
"Hey there Shadow.
You didn't seem to care at all
when you watched me go."
That line... that goddamn line... Explained that very exact moment. The point of no return. That moment of perished hopes and dreams. The very second I walked out of your room with my ego holding me up and not looking back, in hopes you'd pull me back to explain things - but you said nothing but a mere "fuck" under your breath after being caught.
Was I not good enough? Did you have to cheat and make me walk in on you? You couldn't even break it off with me first before lunging into your next chapter? Was I not good enough for an explanation? Was I unworthy of your apology? It was only 2 weeks later that you messaged me you were sorry, but not for getting caught, but only for "how we ended up".. Oh but wait, the day you messaged me "sorry" was the exact day you started your new relationship.
Was I even not good enough for a moment of mourning for the loss of our bond? Or maybe you've already lost my heart before I even caught you.
And tonight, there is no coffee in my cup - only vodka mixed in green tea and salty tears
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