"Eyes ever so haunting, when will you let me be? The more I feed, the more I need, so how am I to stop?"

In a cave of solitude I've decided to reside in, far from nature's beauty. The silence is screaming right into my ear drums, and the gushing of blood within my veins are like waves crashing onto an abandoned pier, slowly diminishing to saw dust as it spreads itself onto shore.

I was chilling at the balcony, with my latest edition of "True Singapore Ghosts Stories" (No. 23), til a friendly little pigeon cooped itself onto my window grill. Donating a loaf of bread did cross my mind, but the thought of it spreading the word out to its friends deterred  my decision, so I shooed it away, only to leave me with a gooey souvenir. I suddenly had an aching in my chest feeling remorseful. It was probably having a bad day since it decided to shit on everything. Maybe my bread would've made its day a little brighter.

I sat there, staring into the never ending tunnel of open space, forever lost in thoughts. I continued sitting there, still staring at the same spot, only to be surrounded by more voices trying to out-voice one another. Funny thing is that these voices are all too familiar. They've been here before, some may be absent, but today it feels like I have a lecture hall filled with aspiring politics trying to debate over miniscule matters.

In this galaxy thoughts, there's no going back, there's no going forth. I'm null. I'm too accustomed to it that it scares me. I'm scaring myself by being not afraid of the things I'm supposed to be afraid about. I'm angry at myself for not feeling the way I should at times when the time comes. I'm happy at myself for not doing stupid stuff that may eventually hurt me and scar me for life, yet disappointed that I don't actually have the balls to do so. I'm judging myself so hard that I even asked myself who am I to judge myself when there's nothing to be judged at? I created me. I did do me. I am me, and there is nobody else in my mind other than me.

I'm so self-conceited that I wont let anyone else make me feel any emotions. It is only by their actions, that'll make me decide whether or not I should react towards it, and it will eventually trigger my decisions on which choice of emotions I'm supposed to portray. 

I wish happiness would just occur to me within a snap of a finger - ANY emotions for the matter of fact. My body is running some sort of factory within me that just deciphers every single details, digests it bit by bit, study its anatomical state, breaks it down for me, then regulates a formula, to which I'll still have to speculate it to see if it's even the right formula.

That's the problem with me.... I over-think.