My Devils stay afloat
Posted on Friday, August 02, 2013
I'll try to make this a quick post because I have work to finish before sunrise, and I hate the fact that whenever night is bestowed upon me, heavy thoughts fills my head.
(I'm trying my best not to make this like my previous blogs where I would rant and rave emotionally, but I'm an emo guy, can't really help it now can I?)
I'm not the type that would rage at a person, even if they've done something wrong towards me, may it be on purpose or by accident. I'm more of the "nice" guy.. (Or some people may think). I quietly hold grudges, and I slowly avenge myself by doing things that won't affect someone immediately, but rather slow find ways to mess with their mind. I'm sinister that way. If i was a mutant, my power would be to find out things without even trying to find out in the first place. I've got SECRETS locked away in my mind that could change EVERYBODYS' life right now.. I dont use them carelessly. If people were to backstab me, I'll use these secrets to my advantage subtlety.
That's not the whole point of this post. Right now, I'm just battling myself within myself so badly it hurts. People see me as a strong type, and the most dependable type. I'm the total 180 of that. I fall harder and bruise longer than anyone else does. I still have grudges from when I was in P4 for the guy that punched me in the gut just to show some chick he's a bigshot. (Yes Noor Zakir I'm talking about you, you little maggot, when I find you, YOU'RE DEAD!)
I get over stuff fast, it's because I've been hurt too many times in the past to know that dwelling on irrelevant crap will only slow me down. I'm not letting anyone slow me down, EVER! I've made a video about LLTTF (Living Life To The Fullest) and I stand by that.
I make things look easy and doable, because most of the time I actually DO do it without considering the consequences. I fall in love fast, I get angry fast, i heal fast. I'm hardcore like that.. but then again, i've been too much of a melancholy spineless slug to let things happen to me and make me feel like I'm always in the wrong.
My guard has reached a level so high that I'm confident in letting people hurt me, and knowing I wont feel a thing. Never have I felt so wrong about this.
I hate being emo, i FUCKING HATE BEING EMO!
Why cant i brush this off my shoulder and let this slide off like any other puny matter?
I'm being ANAL to myself. I'm looking myself at the mirror everyday, thinking to my self -
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(I'm trying my best not to make this like my previous blogs where I would rant and rave emotionally, but I'm an emo guy, can't really help it now can I?)
I'm not the type that would rage at a person, even if they've done something wrong towards me, may it be on purpose or by accident. I'm more of the "nice" guy.. (Or some people may think). I quietly hold grudges, and I slowly avenge myself by doing things that won't affect someone immediately, but rather slow find ways to mess with their mind. I'm sinister that way. If i was a mutant, my power would be to find out things without even trying to find out in the first place. I've got SECRETS locked away in my mind that could change EVERYBODYS' life right now.. I dont use them carelessly. If people were to backstab me, I'll use these secrets to my advantage subtlety.
That's not the whole point of this post. Right now, I'm just battling myself within myself so badly it hurts. People see me as a strong type, and the most dependable type. I'm the total 180 of that. I fall harder and bruise longer than anyone else does. I still have grudges from when I was in P4 for the guy that punched me in the gut just to show some chick he's a bigshot. (Yes Noor Zakir I'm talking about you, you little maggot, when I find you, YOU'RE DEAD!)
I get over stuff fast, it's because I've been hurt too many times in the past to know that dwelling on irrelevant crap will only slow me down. I'm not letting anyone slow me down, EVER! I've made a video about LLTTF (Living Life To The Fullest) and I stand by that.
I make things look easy and doable, because most of the time I actually DO do it without considering the consequences. I fall in love fast, I get angry fast, i heal fast. I'm hardcore like that.. but then again, i've been too much of a melancholy spineless slug to let things happen to me and make me feel like I'm always in the wrong.
My guard has reached a level so high that I'm confident in letting people hurt me, and knowing I wont feel a thing. Never have I felt so wrong about this.
I hate being emo, i FUCKING HATE BEING EMO!
Why cant i brush this off my shoulder and let this slide off like any other puny matter?
I'm being ANAL to myself. I'm looking myself at the mirror everyday, thinking to my self -
"IF THE 18 YEAR OLD YOU COULD LOOK AT YOU NOW,
HE WOULDN'T EVEN LAUGH AT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE
NOT EVEN WORTH BEING LAUGHED AT."
I'm not trying to make myself sound pathetic, but am I even worthy for myself? Why can't I blame other people? WHy do I take the fall for others? Do i really expect them to empathise along with me? Do they even care that I've laid my ass on the line for them? DO THEY EVEN KNOW?! Am I really still THAT naive to think that "It doesnt matter if they don't know you've sacrificed for them, as long as you've done it," is still applicable during this stage of my life?
I'm not even the "long messages" type of guy... SINCE WHEN HAVE I BEEN LIKE THIS!?!?!? I loathe at the very sight of long messages (may it even be romantic), so why am I the one sending them out nowadays?
NOw I'm just ranting like some bitch.. GTG back to work.. FTS, FML, FU, STFU, GTFO.
I'M DONE!
"They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for."
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