"You are defined by the decisions you make along the way of self-discovery."

I have this annual repertoire of "getting lost for a reason". A whole 24-hours of no communication, no social interactions, no inhibitions, no boundaries.

I first started this pattern when I was 16 back in Jakarta. Every year nearing a certain date, I would just get into my car, head to the nearest petrol kiosk and fill it up to the maximum and head out on a spontaneous road trip. I didn't need to tell anybody anything neither did I have to worry about anyone else. For a whole 24 hours, I took myself as a privileged orphan in a foreign land in search of nothing, just wondering. Occasionally dropping by the small stalls selling bakso by the road just to fill myself up.

Some of you may think it's weird, some of you may call it a waste of time. You'll be surprised by the results it brings you. My eyes are big, people say. My eyes are big, I say to myself metaphorically because I have seen things that I've never seen during my mundane daily routine.

So after 24 hours, when I'm finally back in my bed, I retrace myself and think of the decisions I've made on this journey. All the thoughts jotted down in an ancient physics note book. Head to sleep, and wake up to read the book again with the norm mentality that I was raised to have.

The usual questions that would pop up were WOULD I..., WHY THE HELL DID I..., WHAT HAPPENED IF...,

After reading everything, and rethinking my whole life plan, I'll alter myself by any means necessary to make sure that I'm using up the limited seconds that God had given me.

Now in Singapore, seeing how I can't bring my car (haven't taken license yet), I would usually take random buses here and there, and just stop whenever I feel like it. I would usually avoid bus numbers I'm familiar with or have seen before.

Getting lost, both literally and in thoughts. Every year I learn something about myself more than I've known before. Thats one of the more effective ways to see if I'm growing the way I want to, or I need to.

But the MOST important thing I have learn to adapt to over the years is the existence of Karma. Everyone would react differently to its wrath. I have grown to despise it, loathe it, ignore it, and hate it to the very imaginary core it holds.

I have to keep in mind that I'm no angel myself. I have done evil deeds to people when they deserve nothing less of a heart warming smile while I throw a pile of unwanted shit in their paths.

Now, Karma saves her energy by simply knocking my door with a friendly greeting, and I would bring her in, enjoy her company of warm embrace and have coffee with her while we laugh it off.

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