I find comfort in telling my stories over and over again not for the attention, but it's the closest I get to feel like I'm reliving it all over again - yes I like living in the past and maybe that's where I should stay because I never saw a future for myself and I feel like I've utilized every ounce of potential I've had within myself.

I deter myself from telling my close friends the things I have to say because first of all, they are the ones who know me best and they already have a repertoire of preset answers to lay out onto me no matter what I say (because to them all my problems sound the same), but don't get me wrong, I love them to the next galaxy and back. I'm an irrevocable open book and people get bored when they read same chapter over and over again, hence I find sanctuary in the perplexed nature of a stranger's reaction as they try to gradually paint me onto their mental canvas of me with the information that I provide them with my ceaseless and oversharing ramblings.

However, I've been shying away from the world (more so than usual) ever since the start of the year because I told myself that I should keep my social circle to a minimal because currently there's nothing too alarming about the people in it and I'm contented with what I have. I've been dying to share this thought that came to mind the other day but I've yet to share it with anyone so if you're reading this, you're hearing it here first.

Have you ever came across an old picture of you? Or any pictue that you took of? Well, try and pick one and once you've done that, try to remember that very exact moment if possible. Like why did you take that very picture to commemorate it in the first place? How were you feeling at that moment that had you convinced it was a picture worthy moment? Take it in and breathe that picture right into your lungs and into your blood stream. So after a slight reminisce and the nostalgia kicks in, come back to the present at where you are right now while holding the picture. In hindsight, all it did for you for just conjure up past memories may it be good or bad, but looking at the bigger picture (ayy i still got the puns), did you realize that you went through a whole growing process? Do keep in mind that I'm still wielding an open wound to my last relationship so I'm generally salty towards my memories.

Like from the moment you snapped that photo, and the moment that you are looking at the picture right now, do you remember everything else in between? Because to me they all seem midly redundant and it's really scary when I analyze how much I've changed then and now, and as I try my best to trace back everything step by step, I get mad because everything else that happened in between has led me to this very moment where I wish I was still stuck in that moment so I could relive it over and over again.



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