Last Christmas...
Posted on Monday, December 26, 2016
So....
I'm not so sure as to where I'm supposed to start but let's just say that I'm definitely over my ex, but I'm not over the idea of her.. besides the fact that she was the only person I could turn to at the end of the day to unwind and rant, and a shoulder to lean on when I'm too tired of putting up a front.
I still remember all the minute details about her and it actually hurts (as much as I don't want to admit it) to see her latest insta pic. I haven't checked her insta for about a good 2 months but for some reason, FB decided it was a good idea to show me her latest insta post.. and of all the photos she decided to post, it just had to be her with her boyfriend at Christmas Wonderland.
I got myself thinking like "but it's just like any other photo she posts of her and her bf," but the thing is that I knew how much Christmas meant to her eventhough she's not Christian. The idea of Christmas just made her the happiest girl in the world and it reminded me of all the Christmas we spent together and the trouble I went through to make sure all her Christmas celebrations with me made an impact on her life.. and it's the first christmas she's spending with her bf and it sucks that it isn't me there with her this time.. it's stupid to even think about it I know but I just can't help but feel helpless about it.
Our first Christmas, I was working for an overnight shoot at Mediacorp and she was obviously upset that I couldn't be there at the stroke of midnight with her to welcome the festive season together at that very moment. It got me so bummed out and I knew that me trying to make up to it the next day just isn't going to cut it. I couldn't face her disappointment that night so I bugged my friend who worked at DAISO to help me put aside a small white Christmas tree for me to bring to her place after work. Luckily that plan worked and I managed to bring over a small christmas tree with no decorations. Maybe she was pretending not to be too hurt about it but she was happy to see a fatigued and smelly me bring a small tree into her room that night.
Our second Christmas we were in Hanoi with our group of friends and the cool weather definitely added that extra Christmas feel to it and everybody was so excited for our christmas eve dinner because each of us were planning to cook something. I made lamb, another made pancakes and another friend made tacos. The morning after, we all woke up to a life sized Christmas tree in the living room of our service apartment and I could've sworn I never saw her face light up that bright before. If you could've seen her face, it put the Christmas ornaments to shame.
The only great thing about our 3rd Christmas is the picture up there. Before even going to Christmas Wonderland, we had a huge argument about celebrating Christmas because she had to work and so did I but obviously I was less salty about it and our friends planned a dinner but she was too moody for it after work and we argued because I felt bad that our friends catered to my needs for halal food. So a few days after Christmas we managed to squeeze in time to head to Christmas Wonderland and that was about it.
So thanks, You've ruined Christmas for me even in your absence.
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