I've suffered from mild bipolarity ever since I was a young teen. My first encounter was when I was in Secondary 1. We were in literature class, and my classmates and I were having a group discussion about George Orwell's "Animal Farm". I swear everything was going as per normal (we may have different perceptions of normal but nothing was outstanding from my point of view), but out of the blue I started feeling shifty and queasy. That day was the first time i ever gritted my teeth so hard that it actually produced weird noises. Then the last thing I remember seeing - Syafiqah's (first ever GF) look of fear.

I whited out.

Regained consciousness, only to find myself in an enclosed toilet cubicle, with loud banging on the cubicle door. My classmates were calling out for me. I was dazed and lost - how did I end up here? Why are they calling out for me? My hands were moist and salty and my eyes were unstable. My body was trembling beyond compare. I was actually crying without even knowing why.

I got out, and I could tell by the faces of my classmates that they were relieved more than ever to see me alive, but I really had no intention of attempting suicide or whatsoever (from what I recall). I really couldn't recall how long I was "sleepwalking" and my friends seriously thought I was bluffing. I quickly wiped my face with icy cold water from the tap and proceeded back to the class. Funny thing was, I was changed into my P.E. uniform when I clearly remember I was in my batik uniform.

Nearing the classroom door, I wasn't allowed to enter. Stephen, Neeraj, Hamid and Kevin were holding me back and I'm like "Dafuq is going on guys?" It was like I was in a whole new other universe because everything that is happening, or that has already happened, is still blurry as fuck. In my head I'm still in literature class, but why am I in my P.E. Uniform? why was I crying? How did I get to the toilet?

I forgot who broke things down for me, but after learning why I wasn't allowed back into the classroom, turns out I made Syafiqah terribly upset. I spent a good 4 hours with her after school trying to get an explanation to what in world happened to me. I too frantically told her my side of the story so as to show that I swear i had nothing to do with it. I didnt know whether she really believed in my whole story or was she just putting up with me (since she was my GF and all)

"You started breathing heavily, your face turned red. I placed my hand on your shoulder to ask what was happening to you and you shoved it away. I kept quiet for the rest of the discussion, so did you. You were still seething at something. Once class was over, you kicked the chair over and stormed out. I chased after you and you scolded me from head to toe for no reason."

Those were roughly the words she told me. And apparently according to my other classmates, this wasn't the first time. I was seriously taken aback as to why all these things were happening but I clearly had no memory of it.

I'll skip the whole chronicles of my mishaps, but lets just say I've had some pretty epic "episodes".

The whole point of me writing this is to keep me occupied. Let me share something with you... I've been having mood swings (common for bipolar), I've been more random than ever (Suffered ADHD when I was a kid).. Like these things you see me do everyday is no big deal right?

Yesterday at Starbucks, all I could remember was finishing up my Caramel Frappe, then next thing I know I was below some HDB block smoking. I swear I couldnt remember how I got there, hence my tweet last night around 2200hrs saying "HOW DID I GET HERE?".. because it wasn't metaphorically tweeting, it was real.

There are some minor details that I've decided not to post because I swear it'll spook the fuck out of you readers. I've already lost some friends due to this condition, and I'm not about to ruin my whole reputation (for whatever it is worth) to make you guys afraid of me. You're all I have left, and that keeps me going. I just felt a need to share, and judge if you have to. I'll let you take a whiff of my shoe filled with dried up sweat once you choose to walk around in it.

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